Updated May 9, 2002.
SYNOPSIS What happens when you bring together such fine British talent as Brian Blessed, Joss Ackland, Richard O'Brien, John Inman, and Sylvester McCoy? Well, if you give them a decent script, you might get a decent movie. But the world may never know...
Young Tom Doubting (Jamie Walters) is on hard times. Out of work, evicted, girl friend gone, crappy script, the usual tale of woe. But at his direst moment, he happens upon a bum who gives him a cheap plastic heart and tells him about a beautiful missing princess (Melinda Messenger) who needs rescuing. Tom's up for the job and sets off for the far-away island of Sinmouth. While there he meets some interesting characters. The butcher, the, er major, and the, um - well we never know what Tallman's job is, but perhaps he's a candlestick maker... ;-) (There is a rub-a-dub-dub scene later in the movie which originally put this thought in my head.)
Anyway, the Mayor of the village (Ackland) has summoned The Mumbo Jumbo in hopes that he can save the missing Princess Vanilla. And when he meets Tom, he's convinced he's found the Mumbo Jumbo. So it's up to Tom to confront the mysterious Mr Bounder (Blessed), the local fertilizer manufacturer. Can Tom save the princess before he and everyone else in the village become the world's best fertilizer?
REVIEW I wanted to like this movie, I REALLY did. But it didn't try to help me do this in any way, shape, or fashion. Firstly, it wasn't very funny. Secondly, it couldn't decide whether to be a hip musical/dance movie or a Carry On-style flick. Thirdly, Sylvester McCoy looked too much like Wilfred Brimley for my liking. (Still, the bits with him and his teddy bear were precious.) Now that I've seen this movie, I have a quandary... do I think it's as bad as Three Kinds of Heat, better than it, or worse? Hmmm, this is going to be difficult. I'll get back to you folks on that.
PRODUCTION INFO Produced by Vine International Pictures in 2001.
AVAILABILITY Currently Available (DVD - R2 only).
SOUNDS As with all my wavs, I have compressed and uncompressed versions.
For the regular 11,025 Hz, 16 bit, Mono sounds, click on the
button. For the compressed MPEG Layer-3 sounds, click on the 
button.
Tallman: "It's because of the fertilizer, see."
Mrs Tallman: "Fertilizer."
"It's got to be Bounder's fertilizer. For the best gardens this side of Witches Brook."
[Doubting asks Tallman about Princess Vanilla.]
Tallman: "She disappeared."
Doubting: "Right. Her mother?"
Tallman: "Disappeared."
Doubting: "Father?"
Tallman: "Disappeared."
Doubting: "Grandparents or relatives?"
Tallman: "Disappeared."
Doubting: "Friends?"
Tallman: "Disappeared."
Doubting: "Acquaintances?"
Tallman: "Disappeared."
Doubting: "I see."
"I disappeared a week ago, but I'm trying to keep it quiet."
"I was hunting butterflies. Yes, um, a very rare luminous butterfly. But the only trouble is, I've left my netting at home."
"Oh I've never seen such a silly hat!"
Bounder: "Sinmouth will soon have it's very own testimony to... Ssssssssssin!"
Tallman: "Ah! Will there be sausage rolls?"
"Crispy flakey things, oh!"
"I've got my little petal to think of. Ah, grandad's little angel!"
