My 10 Least Favorite Companions by Matt Anderson 31/5/06
My Top Ten post-RTD DVD suggestions by Rob Matthews 16/9/06
City of Death, Genesis of the Daleks, Inferno, The Beginning box set... we've certainly been showered with riches, DVD-wise, over the last few months. Plus of course there's that Invasion release with the animated episodes coming up, as well as promises of some 'lighter' (ie- less extras) releases for some of the smaller stories to be released in addition to - rather than replacing - the more kitchen-sinky style discs to which we're accustomed. In fact it's almost reassuring to know that the next one in the schedule is Mark of the Rani; 2 Entertain have almost been in danger of exhausting all the good 'uns and leaving themselves with nothing but tat for the future!
Though it didn't initially look like it would have any effect at all on the 'classic series' releases or sales, the popularity of the ongoing new series looks to be gradually making its mark. The public haven't of course been snapping up, say, City of Death in the same way they have the Eccleston and Tennant episodes. Nonetheless, Genesis of the Daleks was both the first classic series release I've seen reviewed in the popular press (outside of Time Out) and also in the DVD chart at my local Tesco. The Hand of Fear and The Invasion both seem to have made their way into the schedules thanks to specific episodes in the 2006 season - and I rather suspect, though this may be mere cynicism, that those animated reconstructions of The Invasion wouldn't have been so forthcoming were it not for the reflected prestige of the currrent TV run. The packaging of both Genesis and Hand of Fear came with little sticky labels implicitly advertising their new series relevance using the same wonky typescript as new series merchandise. I say implicitly; one gets the feeling that for some reason this can't be done explicitly - strangely City of Death never got the 'favourite story of Russell T Davies' legend one might have expected, and Davies was equally curiously not amongst the new series writers contibuting to the accompanying special features.
Anyhoo, a couple of years ago I posted a top ten DVD wish list and half of it's now come true (even the Invasion-with-cartoon-episodes one, about which I'm exceptionally smug). So, just on the off-chance there's someone at BBC Worldwide surfing fansites as they dither over what to fill next year's schedule with, I shall here provide ten ligthning bolts of inspiration. Or at the very least six, and four spurious fillers. Aren't I kind?
Doctor Who event suggestions by Kishor Kale 1/11/06
Here are some offbeat ideas for Doctor Who events:
Examples might be:
(a) Caroline John (Liz Shaw) and Mary Tamm (Romana I) discussing the
role of strong-minded female characters in Season 7 or Season 16
stories
(b) Mary Tamm (Romana I) and Lalla Ward (Romana II) comparing and
contrasting the two Romanas in Season 16, Season 17, and Season 18
stories.
(c) Nicholas Courtney (Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart) and another
member of the production team comparing and contrasting The Sea Devils with the Brigadier stories.
(d) Wendy Padbury (Zoe Heriot) and Caroline John (Liz Shaw) comparing
the roles of Zoe and Liz, and the differences between the approaches
of Doc2 (Troughton) and Doc3 (Pertwee) in the Season 6 and Season 7
stories.
(e) Caroline John and Katy Manning discussing the companion roles in
the Season 7 and Season 8 stories.
(f) Ditto with Katy Manning and Elisabeth Sladen for the Season 11
and Season 12 stories.
One of the highlights of my book collection is a copy of "The New Magdalen" signed by a real-life "Magdalena"; a DVD cover signed by two Caroline Johns (or by Caroline John and a Liz Shaw who really went to Cambridge) would be something special!
Top ten reasons fandom pisses me off by Joe Ford 10/11/06
Right folks; hold on to your hat because I am about to head into the biggest rant ever, topping even the venomous bile I spouted in my bottom forty stories review. I feel I should give this commentary a classification, lets say ND for Nervous Disposition because I may offend some of you and I think (if you are honest) you will turn up on more than one of these items (most of them apply to me!). Doctor Who is fantastic; what annoys me more than anything is its fans and as such I will not go to a convention in fear that I will massacre everybody in a horrible explosion of violence. Here are the ten reasons why I would never, ever shack up with another Doctor Who fan...
10) We never know when we are better off
Fandom is always moaning about what is current only to re-evaluate it later decide, actually it wasn't that bad at all, especially not compared the shite that is being released now! I really don't include myself in this category because I am generally pleased with what comes out but those fans of the Black and White years moan that it wasn't the same when it went into colour but then are confronted with the horror of the eighties and decide that Pertwee's stuff was the height of fashion. Then they watch the TV Movie and think, my God, that one with Sylvester McCoy and the clowns was paradise compared to this. After watching Boom Town they then decide the TV Movie actually had a lot of charm! It was even worse with the books, everybody bitched about the fact that the New Adventures were too violent and complicated but when the eighth Doctor series came out they were suddenly revered as classics. And now the hardbacks are out the Eighth Doctor Adventures are slowly being re-evaluated as actually having a great deal of potential and worthiness. I guess what I'm really saying is that some people just like to moan and moan and moan.
9) Image
Oh Christ don't get me started on this one! What is the conceived image of the average fan? An anally retentive nerd with specs and a pullover, preferably gay, unable to pull and with no real friends because they are terrified of revealing their secret to the world. What is truly frightening is when you see people like Ian Levine filling your screen in documentaries and you realise that for a large percentage of fandom this image is correct! Watching Doctor Who documentaries has been a real eye-opener for me, especially when you get see these hideously overdramatic and pig-ugly people spewing out about how "deeply emotional" it was when the fourth Doctor regenerated, etc. I don't want to go to a convention because I am scared I will be surrounded by these bizarre people. I work with another fan (and no Paul Clarke it is not you; I think you are fab; he works down in the warehouse) and he conforms to every single stereotype you can imagine, right down to still living with his mother. I am young (well 26), attractive (well Daniel Beddingfield fans never pass me by without a smile!) and am engaged to be married after a six year relationship... I know there are millions of other Doctor Who fans out there in the same situation (look at the lovely Clayton Hickman!) so why oh why are these pustule-faced saddos the ones that people think of when they think of fandom? I'll tell you why, because they make themselves noticed, spouting about this show as though it is the only important thing in their lives. Oi! Get a bloody life! It's only a TV show.
8) Hiding in the Closet
This is the one that mostly relates to me and is the complete antithesis of the previous item but just as annoying in its own way. It's all very well talking about Doctor Who in public but it is those people that refuse to tell anybody they know that they are fans to the point where they are hiding all of their merchandise into one room and barricading the door when they have people over (see my Coming out of the Closet review). I mean, what is so shameful about liking this show? Why did I used go red from head to toe if somebody even mentioned it? Coming out as a homosexual was way easy in comparison to coming out as a Doctor Who fan. I shag men, get over it, I wish I travelled around time and space in a police-- I'll just be over here under the coffee table. Can you believe that I actually covered up all my books and CDs with what is considered to be "cool" and "hip" stuff once, terrified that my friend (who I later discovered had a certain affection for the show too) would pick one up and see the mass of Doctor Who merchandise behind. Oh the shame! Simon my partner regularly used to berate for being so ashamed; when I got reviews in a fanzine and he wanted to show everybody, I very nearly killed him wrestling the rag off him! I even made him buy DVDs and videos from HMV for me, too ashamed to take my purchase to the counter. New fans today are lucky because the show is perceived as the coolest thing ever by everyone anyway but in my teenage years... oooh boy. This is the confession of a shamed Doctor Who fan. And those of you who can relate, shame on you too.
7) Fan writers
This one mostly belongs to the book and audio writers but a few of the New Series writers too. Now, I'm not saying that all fans becoming writers is a bad thing because that would mean the gulf between 1989 and 2005 would have left us with nothing but Star Trek Voyager (ooh what a thought). I genuinely feel that fan writers think they can write for the show better than newcomers (of which some of Telos's writers proved was a load of old toss) or that only they can advise others on how it all works. I would love to see a series of adventures written by all newcomers, I think we could be seeing some of the most fresh and innovative Doctor Who in a long time. The new series is great but in most respects it feels very safe, Saturday night viewing, only occasionally breaking the mould and producing something spectacularly original (like Dalek). This is because Russell T Davies knows what the fans want and he gives it to them. The novels themselves were a real mish-mash, an even mix of fan writers who could genuinely write a good book and fan writers who thought they could write a good yarn. I could never recommend either the NAs or EDAs wholeheartedly because I know the poor fool I suggest this too would have to read The Pit alongside Lucifer Rising and Legacy of the Daleks alongside Seeing I. And as for the audios, the creative team there started out on a real high but for the last three years have been bleeding from the gut, only this year starting to build up any kind of respect again. This is down to fans thinking they know what is best. Continuity. Longer stories. Lush productions over decent scripts. Tut tut.
6) Ignoring the spinoffs
Oh yes! This is one of my favourite items on the list, not because I personally subscribe to it but because it annoys the hell out of me! Doctor Who spinoffs are a growing breed; although I don't personally consider the novels to be spin offs I can see how somebody could (especially when Big Finish actively contradict them, with some bizarre "they are set in an alternative dimension" rubbish). Big Finish themselves have produced a large number of spinoff audios that have successfully taken off (Bernice Summerfield, Sarah Jane, Gallifrey all enjoyed a second series). It is that sort of fan which turns around and says that I'm not going to watch (PROBE), listen (UNIT) or read (Bernice Summerfield again!) that because it's not proper Doctor Who. Oh fuck off up your own arse and die! This is a show which has evolved so much over forty odd years and shown many sides to its character; including spinoffs featuring characters that originally appeared in... Doctor Who! Like the series has total monopoly on everything. Can somebody genuinely tell me that Time and Rani is preferable to The Zero Imperative. That The Mutants is more enjoyable than The Crooked World? That The Sensorites has a greater claim to drama than The Holy Terror? No, I'm not going read that truly excellent book because there is some absolute drivel on UK Gold this week which is "proper" Doctor Who and therefore superior! How fickle are we? I'm not saying that the spinoffs are better than the series, but some of their work rivals the series at its best and it frustrates the hell out of me to see that work dismissed because people are so bloody minded.
5) Being Disrespectful
This is easily the nastiest trait of the fan and we are all capable of it. Aside from starting up my own book threads on Outpost Gallifrey I actively avoid posting on forums most of the time because I have learnt my lesson in the past and been scalded by some of the nastiest people I have had the displeasure of talking to. There are people who lurk on the forum waiting to pounce on people who they disagree with and rip every sentence they say to pieces and reduce them to nothing. You think I exaggerate? I wrote a huge review once and had it dissected line for line, condescended to and insulted by a person who really needs to get out more. I realised the point of these forums is to state your opinion if you disagree with somebody, but there is point where disagreement becomes rudeness and rudeness become nastiness. I am a big boy and can take it but I have seen people chased away from these forums. And it isn't confined there, you set two fans together who have opposing views (hey Matt) and it can get ugly indeed. I know we all think we are right but we should all agree to let everybody have and (most importantly) enjoy their opinion.
4) We spoil the show for ourselves
We want Daleks! We want Cybermen! We want Zarbi! Sod the reason why they are back, bugger the fact that the script isn't dramatic or intelligent, we just want to see them back on our screens. Producers often make the foolish mistake of pandering to the fans and bringing back old monsters because they are popular rather than because they are needed in that particular story and the result is Planet of the Daleks/Revenge of the Cybermen/Silver Nemesis/Rose, stories that would benefit from different monsters entirely. What's worse, we scour the internet gobbling up all the spoilers, dash to the locations to see it being filmed, scrutinise the interviews with the creators and then we watch the episodes and declare them predictable. With series two I have watched the episodes and then read about them afterwards and it has proven far more rewarding, I knew sod all about The Girl in the Fireplace and The Idiot's Lantern.
3) Ungrateful
This applies strongly to the writers of the hardback books at the moment (primarily Justin Richards, Jac Rayner and Stephen Cole) who are doing their damnest to make sure Doctor Who survives in original stories in print and have been actively ripped to pieces by fans of the old novel lines. I genuinely feel these people would rather have no books at all. I'm not going to deny that I miss the more adult books, of course I do, but I have still heartily enjoyed the hardbacks and looking across the board they have been very well-written and enjoyable. Fans moan that they are being spoken down to which NEVER happens in the new series (guess they bypassed Father's Day completely), that the books are childish which the new series NEVER is (guess they missed Aliens of London, End of the World, New Earth and Bad Wolf too!) and that kids should feel patronised by the insulting tone of them. Grow up guys, kids love 'em. The Stone Rose, The Resurrection Casket, Only Human and Stealers of Dreams were all damn excellent.
I suppose this goes back to item 10, moaning for moaning's sakes. I would love to see what these moaners could come up with. I'm willing to bet it would be appalling.
2) Details
When we watch/listen/read a Doctor Who story, we often forget the most important thing (it's there at the beginning of this sentence, the story) and let stupid details get in the way. I don't like Peter Davison's fifth Doctor, which mars that entire era for me despite the fact that he starred in Black Orchid, Frontios and Caves of Androzani. Gary Russell rubs me up the wrong way at times (especially when he whines about us whining about Divergent Universes in DWM) but he directed The Fires of Vulcan, The Council of Nicaea and The One Doctor. These things niggle in the back of your mind when you are enjoying these stories and it actually feels like a victory when a Doctor/writer/producer you like receives acclaim for a story (Revelation of the Daleks). Murray Gold's music is enough to turn some people of the new series despite the amazing production values, excellent acting, strong writing... The fact that The Crooked World has a cartoon of the Doctor on the cover is enough to stop a certain fan from reading it despite the fact it is one of the most mature and compelling reads in any range. I say this (especially to myself): stop these silly prejudices and just enjoy the show. I guess we can't help being opinionated gits. We're only human.
1) We think we can make the show better than the creators
We are ALL guilty of this one. Doctor Who is a huge melting pot of talent, who all brought something different and unique to the show. Hindsight is a beautiful thing and us arrogant, talentless reviewers who critique because we cannot write ourselves very often say "I could have done that better" and start suggesting ways that a particular episode could have been done with more style. Suddenly we are criticizing entire seasons (ooh season eight could have been less cartoony), entire eras (the fifth Doctor era could have been more imaginative and dramatic), entire producers' runs (JNT should have held back the embarrassing guest stars), entire novel lines (the EDAs lost themselves up their own arses), actors (Sylvester McCoy should learn how to act), directors (Pennant Roberts turned two okay scripts into disasters in the 80's). We think we know better than the people who are making this show for us. We think we should be heard. We think we are important. Sometimes, just sometimes I wish we would just SHUT UP and enjoy what has been lavished upon us for over forty years.
I wish I could just watch Doctor Who and not analyse and compare and disect.
But I'm just a fucking annoying fan.
The Episodes of Series 2 ranked in order according to me by Benjamin Bland 14/11/06
I did a similar list earlier of the 2005 series.
Overall season rating: 38/65, or 57%
Best Thing: David Tennant
Worst Thing: Jackie Tyler
My Top 10 Big Finish Audios by Adrian Loder 12/9/07
It's been a very intriguing last 6 or 7 months, as I've been discovering the Big Finish audio dramas. I've read an awful lot of reviews, probably more than I have of any other part of Doctor Who's gargantuan oeuvre, and over this time I've come to get a good grasp of where people's preferences lie. This is probably the single most useful or practical application of the Ratings Guide - when you get into a reviewer's preferences so well that the guide actually works as a guide. Some people I know if they like it I'll probably not be impressed, others are the opposite. One thing I've noticed is that it seems people have a different expectation from New Who than Old Who; this has created a bit of a gulf in that, for me, the Eighth Doctor audios in particular are not new anymore. I've been skipping around a lot; I'm not really a fan of arcs. So these are my favorite Big Finish audios, from the ones I've listened to anyway.
Counting down in reverse order:
10. The Creed of the Kromon - Lots of dislike for this one, on multiple review sites. Personally, I think the idea of some kind of psychic gestalt entity serving as a guardian/receptionist on a planet partitioned up into zones that have no idea of each other's existence is very interesting and different from what's been done before. Certainly the TARDIS crew traveling on foot, between what amount to the equivalent of different "planets" in the traditional format of Doctor Who, is very different from the usual mode of arrival, and certainly more deliberate in the crew's intentions. As for the Kromon themselves, I find the idea of giant, bureaucrat termites to be endlessly fascinating, but then I've read graduate textbooks on the biology of spiders and kept an ant farm as a child. Having worked for, and within, a massive bureaucracy, there is quite a lot of humor to be found in this story as well, as the entire ethos of corporate life is satirized mercilessly. The last two parts do drag a little, though, so not quite my very favorite but certainly up there.
9. The Sirens of Time - I'm afraid that I really do love multi-Doctor stories, especially long, horribly complicated, multi-Doctor stories featuring all kinds of nods to the past. My principal interest in Doctor Who, the one thing I consider "sacred", is the characterisation of the Doctor. Plot, companions, everything else is secondary. This may explain why I love the 3rd season of RTD Who so much when it has received an endless thrashing in other places. In any event, it definitely explains why I love multi-Doctor stories so much. This one is as long and horribly intricate as they come, and the final part, featuring the 5th, 6th and 7th Doctors is absolutely lovely.
8. The Spectre of Lanyon Moor - Ooh, I do love ancient British tunnels, tumuli and legends. I'm American, but 75% of my ancestry is English/Irish and I rather like to think that's why I prefer British TV and why nearly all my favorite musicians are British. So a story set in a spooky moor near an ancient tumulus was terribly attractive. I think the 6th Doctor was always underrated and on audio he seems to have become even stronger than before. Although his relationship with Peri on audio is less bitchy than on TV, it is with Evelyn Smythe that he really shines. An older companion is perfect for the Doctor: a younger person confronted with an outrageous ego will often feel trampled upon and react very negatively. However, an older person already has an established ego and sense of self of his or her own and consequently the pairing works much, much better. Plus, the reappearance of the Brigadier is marvelous, and while certainly the story evokes memories of Terror of the Zygons, this is still a wondrous audio.
7. The Dark Flame - I also really love being controversial. No one likes this story, either, but for the life of me I can't see why. Perhaps more listeners are familiar with the New Adventures and/or have had a go at the Benny audios and so are less tolerant of retreading similar ground. Me, I've never read a New Adventure in my life. My principal reading is in literature and the only Doctor Who book I've read is that big one where Lawrence Miles pretends he's really, really bright... what was it, oh yeah, Interference. So anyway, I'm not familiar with Bernice Summerfield at all, and her wonderful sarcastic commentary on captor/prisoner cliches is really a delight. And we have a traditional Doctor Who story starring the 7th Doctor, not always a common prospect in the Big Finish range. No dark machinations, no ironic twist at the end where we find out the Doctor has done something really terrible in his past, no experimental hijinx, just a good, solid, traditional story featuring a strong TARDIS team.
6. Winter For The Adept - More spooky atmospherics, with my favorite Doctor and one of my favorite companions, with an appropriately unsettling atmosphere and story and some very well-drawn characters. Despite the strange occurrences this is a story set to slow burn, perfectly evoking the atmosphere of waiting out a hard, cold winter. The Doctor-Nyssa interplay is excellent, as well. "I can't believe you're saying we're talking to a ghost!" "He's not a ghost, he's a being comprised entirely of psychic energy and possessing the memory and intellect of an English mountain climber that died in an avalanche." "In other words, a ghost".
5. Spare Parts - More well-written Fifth Doctor audios is always a treat for me. Constantly mistreated on TV and sometimes in the audio range as well; I think I may even have developed a complex about stories where the Fifth Doctor is characterized poorly or in a negative light. Combining this with a stunning look at the origins of the Cybermen, as the Doctor tries not to get involved and also tries to keep the secret of their location from Nyssa, makes this a sure winner. I've always found the original-look Cybermen to be strangely chilling. Up close, granted, the cloth masks do look a bit like, well, cloth masks, but a more long-range shot depicts a hulking monster of a creature, roughly humanoid but devoid of humanity. And I do love those sing-song voices, as well; in fact, one of the nicest little touches about this audio are the different stages of Cyber-vocalization that are used. And Peter Davison delivers a supremely energetic performance, particularly near the end when the Doctor adopts a devil-may-care, "there's nothing we can do, it's already happened, so let's just go ahead and try anyway" attitude. Excellent.
4. The Twilight Kingdom - I've really grown fond of Paul McGann/the Eighth Doctor, and he makes such a wonderful Doctor it surprises me just how often his stories feature him behaving as if/believing he is someone other than the Eighth Doctor. This story appears fairly typical on the surface, but once again we have the Kro'ka providing a splendid lead-in and lead-out, now revealed to be playing a role in some kind of mass-experiment. The idea that an entire subsection of a planet has been carved out whole and deposited elsewhere is pretty grand in scale and the villain, while used in other pieces of horror and sci-fi over the years, is new to Doctor Who so far as I can tell. Some of the guest cast are a bit forgettable, but the Doctor, Janto and Voth are so powerful and draw your attention so well, it was hard for me not to become emotionally involved in the story. I'm also a sucker for a great story and for once I didn't guess the nature of the monster before its revelation. The ending is tragic but satisfying and the final word spoken is a bit surprising, but definitely welcome. Despite the fact that the Divergent Universe stories were often told in a very traditional format, many of the elements of the stories are very unusual indeed, a fact seemingly missed by some.
3. Terror Firma - This is actually the very first Big Finish audio I listened to. I wanted to see what the Eighth Doctor was like on audio and the prospect of him meeting an old foe seemed like a perfect introduction. The Doctor doesn't do a whole lot aside from chat with Davros, but that chat is wonderful. Davros at times seems almost pathetic and pitiful but in the end is still just as cruel and merciless, and unwilling to change his ways, as ever. Terry Molloy has perhaps finally erased the dominance of Michael Wisher from Genesis. This was also my first introduction to C'rizz, and his character seemed very troubled, but also very interesting - a lizardman is definitely an interesting choice for a companion, and of course this was also my first exposure to Charley, who seemed a fine companion. In retrospect, I enjoyed her much more here than the "plucky lass" she began as in Storm Warning. Speaking of that story, it was between it and this for the third spot and a place on the list at all, and I'm afraid that the fact of the real R101 crash having 7 survivors colored the whole theme of that inital Charley arc negatively for me, so Terror Firma gets the nod.
2. Loups-Garoux - Werewolf stories, in general, do not thrill me. In fact, monsters like werewolves and vampires have been so overused, so ingrained in popular culture that they have lost nearly all of their power to impose awe and fear. Fortunately, Loups-Garoux simply takes this to the next level, presenting them as mixing extensively with humanity in some cases and establishing them as their own race, predating humanity and having a culture of their own. Instead of continuing to try and make us afraid of these utterly overused creatures, the story simply goes with it, and continues to strip them of their terror and fear-inspiring qualities, making them sympathetic in the end. The Fifth Doctor and Turlough are voiced excellently by Davison and Mark Strickson, especially the latter, another underrated actor and character. Davison is superb in his curiosity about what is going on, his desperation to avert conflict, his respect for both humanity and the werewolf culture and in portraying how torn the Doctor is in his obvious affection for Ileana but not being able to stay with her. A little long, maybe, but it does what the best big Finish audios do: immerse you in them, wash over you and, for a couple of hours, you forget about everything else.
1. Singularity - We've had so many stories about the end of man, or humanity's dying days, or their last days on Earth, etc etc. The Ark, The Ark In Space, Frontios, The End of the World... I guess there's room for another, eh? Must be, since I've ranked it my very favorite Big Finish story. Once again, Davison and Strickson are on top form, and they are blessed by an excellent supporting cast. Davison in particular is excellent in scenes such as where he plays off Qel's hatred for Seo and turns them against each other, or when he finds Seo at the very end, dying on the ruins of Ember, the last human, and though showing pity and compassion: "Sleep..." He also shows understanding that nothing lasts forever. An excellent mystery is afoot as well, as the last thing I expected was that the villains would be humans themselves. Just marvelous from start to finish, with a great performance from my favorite Doctor, an underused but companion whom I like a great deal, a near-flawless guest cast and a superb plot; how can you go wrong? Oh, but if only they were all like this....
Now, as an extra "bonus", here is the (much-condensed) list of my least favorite Big Finish audio dramas, with the small note that until you get to number 5 on the list, I didn't actively dislike the story in question, it just doesn't really satisfy me, or capture my attention, or what have you:
10. Colditz
9. Project: Twilight
8. The Sandman
7. The Natural History of Fear
6. Nekromanteia
5. Flip-Flop
4. The Wormery
3. Excelis Dawns
2. The Rapture
1. Sword of Orion
The best and the worst of New who by Hugh Sturgess 6/12/07
I've been reading other people's reviews and other people's top/bottom tens, so I've decided to do my own. Overall, Series 1 was virtually flawless (with only one real 'rather no thanks' episode (Boom Town) and one pointlessly rushed one (The Long Game), Series 2 had New Earth, The Impossible Planet/Satan Pit combo and Rise of the Cybermen, but it also had The Girl in the Fireplace and Tooth and Claw, which makes it overall a great season, while not even Paul Cornell and Steven Moffat can save Series 3, which was largely embarrassing (mainly due to Murray Gold's appalling score).
So, expect no sympathy for:
Bottom Ten of the New Series:
10. New Earth: This story is badly done on a multitude of levels, from David's just-add-time-war performance, the dodgy science, the convenient feel-good 'Cassandra, having spent her entire life fighting death, decides to die in defiance of all logic and aesthetic sense' to the appalling Face of Boe subplot: basically, he summons the Doctor, thinking he's about to die, goes to tell him his 'great secret' and then says 'oh, I feel much better now, byeeeee!'. The Doctor is made to say 'that is enigmatic', as if this glosses over the total lack of originality or resolution on display here. There's nothing wrong with a story with three plots, but none of them connect. Cassandra's story is about David and Billie pretending to be Zoe Wanamaker (and with a moral about accepting death slapped on at the end), the zombies' story is about the ethics of cloning and the morality of animal testing and Boe's is about... well, something. Patience, perhaps. None of them share a similar thread, so the individual plots are just switched off at random so that the main story - the zombies - can take centrestage. Worst of all, this also ruins any chances of doing a story about cloning and animal testing in the foreseeable future.
9. Boom Town: Not as bad as all that, but it's also criminally disjointed. The first half is a jolly good day out in Cardiff, with a fat woman running around, while the second half is the Doctor dining with a monster and defending his right to kill. There's nothing inherently wrong with either of these: the first half is funny ("she's climbing out the window, isn't she?"), the latter half compelling ("only a killer would know that"). But, like New Earth, they're stuck together regardless of whether they are appropriate to each other. And the ending is still risible, even if you know the ending to Parting of the Ways.
8. The Runaway Bride: Inner demons cry "Lower! Lower! Lower!" as Russell dishes out this staid, boring and pedestrian "romp" that fails to engage on any level beyond occasional "oh, that's quite nice" moments. Catherine Tate is, surprisingly and unfortunately, the best thing about it.
7. The Lazarus Experiment: Many other people more eloquent than me have given very, very good reasons to despise this story, so all I'll say is that the murder of that old bitch halfway through is so badly built up and handled that it's a wonder how Russell (who says that a villain 'must have a reason') let this be broadcast. It has two good things: the Doctor's embarrassed "oh, y'know... stuff" and Lazarus's very true statement that avoiding death is our most basic instinct.
6. The Satan Pit: Marginally better than its appalling Part One, this turkey still features a naff chase through a ventilation shaft (without even the slightest hint of irony), a naff 'heroic death' with no point to it, an appalling resolution to the benighted Ood (they all died, so we don't have to worry about freeing them from slavery) and you'd swear the appearance of the Beast was being deliberately robbed of all its power and drama. The only upside is that David and Billie have shut up and started taking it seriously.
5. Rise of the Cybermen: The teaser to the story features a scientist chatting with Mr Lumic about the Cybermen, and, when he calmly suggests telling the UN about all this, Lumic (rather hurriedly and melodramatically) says 'kill him!', a line which, by definition, should be impossible to overplay (he manages it anyway), and the Cyberman zaps him. This is the story in miniature, as is it a) totally out of keeping with the story's themes of 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions' (instead suggesting that the road to hell is paved with the corpses of evil masterminds' cronies), b) done very badly indeed and c) as if Russell has realised that a slow tragedy about a gradual loss of humanity isn't cliffhanger material and has decided to spice it up. Interviewed afterwards, Russell said that the episode was 'hollow' and 'soul-destroying'; the BBC was shocked. As a spokesperson said, "we didn't expect Russell to say those kinds of things: that's why we hired him in the first place".
4. Utopia: What could have been a fairly ordinary story is made dull and boring by a pointlessly rushed reintroduction of Captain Jack, a pointlessly rushed emergence from the TARDIS and subsequent running away from things, a pointlessly rushed subplot about the rocket and, finally, a pointlessly rushed conclusion. And a big hand for Captain Jack: the man who, officially, has no past, no future, no reason for arriving and (ultimately) no reason for leaving, aside from the obvious 'best thing about Torchwood' factor (no, seriously: Captain Jack Harkness was the best episode of the lot).
3. The Impossible Planet: Not remotely scary, not even slightly thought-provoking and as irritating as a planet full of ants. It looks like it is going somewhere when Ida calls the planet 'the Bitter Pill', but then they go and ruin it by having Rose say something smug and tension-destroying like 'I like that' like that fool out of the Burger King adverts.
2. 42: I can't condemn this episode better than Lawrence Miles: 'Love & Monsters and Kinda might have left children behind, but this is the first episode of Doctor Who which doesn't make sense at all unless you're a smug, media-aware adult... If you're unfamiliar with the canon of Jack Bauer [the title is a "subtle" play on 24], then it just looks like a bunch of mediocre actors running up and down corridors. And that's exactly what it is. A 42-minute in-joke, not a proper television programme at all.' It isn't bad, just horribly, horribly mediocre, representing Doctor Who at its most ordinary.
1. The Shakespeare Code: I've spoken at length about this story already, so I'll just say this: Tooth and Claw was a dream of script-writing, direction, acting and pacing, while this is just a nightmare of all of those factors. Just ugly, crass and moronic.
Just missing out: The Sound of Drums (for diabolical music alone), Gridlock (just for being dull and for Phil Collinson's desperate attempt to make it look as though was 'topical' in some way) and The Idiot's Lantern (for being predictable and safe).
And here come the greats. I'm doing Top Five rather than Top Ten only for the sake of saving space.
Top Five of New Who
5. Doomsday: I'm sorry, for all it's flaws, I just love it. It all moves like a story should - except for Jackie-meets-Pete - and has some hilarious Jackie Tyler schtick and great Dalek characterisation, too.
4. Blink: Another gem from Steven Moffat (can that man do no wrong?). A story so brilliantly paced, acted and conceived that it doesn't miss the Doctor or Martha at all, and manages to be funny, scary and heart-warming, all at once.
3. Rose: Brilliant, almost flawless (only the daft Mickey duplicate pulls you out of the illusion), modernises Doctor Who in forty-five minutes and makes it look easy. A highlight of any season.
2. The Family of Blood: Tear-jerking in places (the vision of John Smith's future with Joan, John's hysterical "I just want to John Smith, that's all, John Smith, why can't I be him, isn't he a good man?" and Joan's "The Time Lord has such adventures, but he could never have a life like that"), spine-tingling in others ("war is coming... do you think they will thank the man who taught them it was glorious?", "we wanted to live forever, so the Doctor made sure that we did") and actually horrifying (the implied murder of the little girl's parents, seemingly by their own young daughter), all at once, and it doesn't jar. The Family is dripping with camp menace and David is on rare form. The Doctor's punishment for the Family, consigning them to appropriate fates, is like the retribution of a Greek god, and is amazing to behold. Son of Mine's soliloquies to the Headmaster (and the look Banes and he share moments before the latter disintegrates the former) and to the audience at the end are brilliant. A triumph that salvages the season from outright disaster.
1. The Girl in the Fireplace: A thing of beauty that deserves to be hung in an art gallery just as much as that picture of Reinette at the end doesn't; a groundbreaking triumph, a genuine Doctor Who love story that stays true to the Doctor and to the concept of the series and has one of the most moving conclusions of any Doctor Who story. Unreservedly the best Doctor Who story in the New Series, and probably in any medium ever. You almost topped it with Blink, Steven: have another go next year.
Just missed out: Human Nature, Tooth and Claw, Aliens of London, The Parting of the Ways and The Christmas Invasion.
Insufferable Gits From The Ministry by Joe Briggs-Ritchie 12/2/08
You all know what the title refers to. Yes, that staple ingredient of the Jon Pertwee era, the pompous government official, the narrow-minded beaurocratic buffoon or, as I like to call them, the Insufferable Gits from the Ministry. Here, for your perusal and delectation is a list of those indispensable oafs. Judge for yourself wether they're mad, bad or just overpaid.
Edward Masters
Edward Masters, from the Ministry of Science is the first proper
Ministry Git of the Pertwee era and, to be perfectly honest, he's actually
quite likeable. But he bears all the hallmarks of where the series is
going to go with these characters. He arrives at the Wenley Moor Research
Centre and, shortly after, goes to meet his maker after contracting the
Silurian Plague.
Brownrose
Oh, now here we have a somewhat more dislikeable character. Pompous
buffoon who manages to annoy the Doctor within about 20 seconds of meeting
him. There is a mention of a Lord Tubby Rowlands. Sounds distinctly
disagreeable to me. The Doctor later refers to him as an idiot so they
obviously didn't get off on the right foot. Oh well.
Chinn
The quintissential Ministry Git. Chinn is arrogant, entirely
self-concerned, obsequious to the minister, very unlikeable... In short,
he deserves a thoroughly unpleasant death. No such luck, I'm afraid. This
fat cat is the one who gets his hands on the Axonite and, therefore,
almost causes the complete destruction of Earth. Very remiss of him. Likes
driving (or being driven) around in a Daimler.
Sir Reginald Styles
"A trifle obstinate perhaps and vain to the point of arrogance..." So
says the Doctor. Well, guess what? Sir Reginald is actually made to be the
bad guy when in fact he is, in many ways, the victim. The guerillas from
22nd century Earth believe that he is responsible for the wars that
preceeded the Dalek invasion. A case of staggering misrepresentation it
seems. Constantly seems as though he's in a bad mood. Probably is...
Walker, Parliamentary Private Secretary
Oh dear God, someone get me a gun. Walker arrives to sort out the Sea
Devil crisis. Or at least that's the pretence. The reality is that he
arrives to completely eat Captain Hart out of house and home. Or base.
This man always seems to be filling his face and is it just me or does he
have something of an obsession with toast? This is another one in the
Chinn mould. He very nearly starts a war that humanity would have no hope
of winning. Dear me, these government officials.
Dr Cook
Dr Cook is just one of the many, many, many, many, many, many many,
many, extremely irritating things about The Time
Monster. I can't discuss this story for too long, it brings me out in
hives. Anyway, I think I stated in my review for this
story that Dr Cook should be boiled in cheap sherry. Need I say more?
Charles Grover, Minister with Special Powers
What special powers are those I wonder? Can he bore someone to death
at 20 paces? What? Oh, not those kind of special powers. You know
that things are just too good to be true when a Ministry Git actually
seems pleasant and charming. Grover is completely barking mad. He
wants to erase the human race by reversing time back to a point
before humanity existed. This makes him by far the worst person on
this list. What a bastard. Although he's apparently quite good at
making tea so I may just forgive him.
Ten Things I've Learnt About The Old Series From Old Series Fans by Stuart Cottrell 24/3/08
I'm 14 years old, so the first Doctor Who episode I ever saw was of the New Series. I've only seen a few of the old episodes (Tomb of the Cybermen, The Invasion, Terror of the Zygons, Revenge of the Cybermen, An Unearthly Child) and I thought that they were actually very good. However, from reading other reviews I have gathered ten things which fans of the old series seem to think.
A new-old fan's list of resolutions by Emily Monaghan 19/4/08
Peer pressure is a killer. And hence, I produce the list of eight resolutions that I need to write down so I don't forget them while associating with my fellow fans.
1. I will never stop loving Adric.
When I made the leap back, fate sent a copy of Keeper of Traken into my hands. The first thing that struck me about this pre-Rose world was his character. A companion who isn't a 20-something Earth girl - an alien, a chap and someone who can hold their own in the sci-fi world. I thought his relationship with the Doctor was really watchable. With a show based around a hero with the infectious enthusiasm of a ten year old, the idea of pairing him with a genius child was very appealing. I even liked his costume!
As soon as I got onto the web, I discovered I was in a minority of one.
I'm not sure where the hate comes from. Like liking one Baker, or disliking the other, this just seems to be one of those things you do. He's bratty and annoying - but how many 14-year-old kids do you know? Or people who are really clever, and know it? I'm also not sure where anyone got the idea his acting is worse than anyone else's, especially when paired with Tegan (who would improve somewhere after Time-Flight) and Nyssa (who, to my knowledge, doesn't have the faintest idea what acting is or what possible use it could have). But a dodgy performance never prevented me from loving Nyssa, or coming to love Tegan, and it sure as hell won't put me off Adric.
Is it just a generation of bitter kids who've grown up and realised with the cynicism of middle age that he was meant to persuade them to study hard at school? In any case, kudos to the writers who granted him one of the most brilliant companion exits ever. It's hard to deny Earthshock is a good episode and even his militant haters couldn't ignore the impact of its ending. (I speak from experience here - somewhere a few episodes into Logopolis, me and Miss Jovanka fell out. From that point, she annoyed me no end - I cheered when she was temporarily left behind at Heathrow. I was quite looking forward to her real departure - but when it came, it was so good I rethought her whole character, fell in love and watched her remaining episodes in a totally new light.)
2. I will never stop loving Rose.
I never had an opinion one way or the other on Rose. Adorable, certainly, and also my benchmark for what a companion should look like.
Wheras enquiring after Adric brought me a barrage of baseless hate, meeting the Rose fans had quite the opposite effect. Somehow, her character is inextricably tangled with the were-they-weren't-they of the first series. The people making videos to Coldplay tunes, and overlaying romantic lyrics on colour-tinted wallpapers. The other people, carrying the "you're a beautiful woman, probably" quote as a banner of distinction.
For the record: I don't have an objection to the Doctor being in love; I think it's highly unlikely someone as caring as he could spend that long alone and not be. I think there are several people in the Doctor's history you can point to and argue for perfectly eloquently (Jo and Rose being two of them). But please, it's done subtle in the show, so leave it subtle in the fanon...
But I digress. Dealing with these people was like dealing with the religious. There are hundreds of quietly practicing Rose fans out there, happily loving her and whatever relationship she may or may not have shared with our favourite Timelord. And then there are the extremists, the people who come to your door and give you leaflets, and start wars about it.
It's not the idea of it, but the way it was done - not by the show, but by that slice of fandom. The sheer cheesiness of the fanfiction. The use of Coldplay; never forgiveable. The implication that she was the love of his life. A love, yes, but life does go on. It might be hard, but he will get over it eventually. After all, it's not like she's dead; separated from him, but with everybody she loves (see: #1 Adric)
For me, the Ninth Doctor was all about the Time War. He ended it, resulting in the destruction of his planet, his race and the Daleks - and after that, his every act was one of repentance. From trying to help the Gelth and Nestine Consciousness whom he robbed of a home, to refusing to make the same decision a second time in Parting of the Ways. He's even thinking like a Gallifreyan when he arrives on Earth, with his callous comment about Mickey's death being insignificant compared to the bigger picture, while the concept of destroying the planet to save the universe is the ultimate Sensible Time Lord Decision. Rose is everything the Time Lords weren't. They are old and wise, she's nineteen and filled with life. She cares about a single Dalek, despite the threat it poses; the High Council were prepared to execute the Doctor for the potential threat he posed in Arc of Infinity. And he's on his own. Under the circumstances, we can allow him to lose at least one of his hearts.
Watching Sarah Jane's relationship with the Fourth Doctor has restored my faith (very similar to the Doctor and Rose in series 2; larking around the universe in a pretty cute way, and occasionally rescuing it from peril), while selective internet browsing has cut down on the amount of infuriating people I have to put up with. Let me revel in how nice Rose really was.
3. I will never compare the old and new series.
I've got a better perspective on this than most here, starting in 2005 and working backwards. Chrisopher Eccleston is my nostalga Doctor, and he's only two years gone. There's really nothing to choose between them. It's all one show. It's all one character. Books count too. And audios. And comics. Though not the bad ones. That's the comfort of the canonicity debate: if a piece of non-TV fiction rubs you the wrong way, then you have an excuse to forget it entirely. 4. I will never admit to having a favourite Doctor.
I don't have a favourite Hamlet. I don't even have a favourite James Bond. I love them all in different ways, because they all show up different aspects of the same character. This is slightly hypocritical; my random approach to the series means I still haven't seen 1, 2, 6 and 7 (properly), but it's highly unlikely given the before examples that I will find any serious problems.
5. I will never stop loving Resurrection of the Daleks.
After Logopolis, I continued as chronologically as the BBC DVD releases would let me, and the first one which really hit me on an emotional level was this. Peter Davison instantly became one of my top ten favourite Doctors (irony intentional), Tegan really did become one of my favourite companions. Turlough excited my curiosity enough to order the entire Black Guardian trilogy off Amazon. I loved the punishing level of unecessary violence (it's still got the highest death toll of any story I've counted: 57), thought the "minor characters we want you to sympathise with" were actually sympathetic, and was, for the first time ever, properly scared by the Daleks. New series ones don't quite cut it in the same way. And all this in a story where the Doc spends two episodes tied to a table.
Since then, it has paled. I never understood the plot, it just gets more unnecessarily tangled. Cloning is done better in Android Invasion. Everything is done better in Genesis of the Daleks. Mind control is just overdone.
Maybe I've been watching better episodes - Mawdryn Undead is now my favourite oldie - or maybe the hate it gets online has got to me. My affection for it remains the same, even if my respect has dipped. There's nothing as horrible as falling out of love and, even though I feel colder from afar, I know that if I rewatched it now, I'd enjoy it just as much.
But pity my friend. Her first favourite of the old series was Time-Flight. Imagine her disappointment when she discovered it was against the club rules!
6. I will watch Caves of Androzani.
First it was after I've finished the other DVDs. Then the other videos. Then once I order Planet of Fire. Then after all the other episodes. Then after Series Four. I'm not putting it off, honest.
This is my first proper regeneration from a Doctor I really care about and have followed for a long time. I claimed above that I love them all equally, and that's true, but the Fifth Doctor has, so far and from sheer chance, been the only one I've done properly. I've seen over half the episodes, and most of them in the right order. I've got to like all his companions. It's going to be the End, and no matter how many novels and audios I stockpile, that'll be it. It's like Mr Tennant announcing he's going to leave, only worse because it's already happened.
The irony is, excepting Mr Tennant when it comes, he's one of the few Doctors I'm ever going to go through this for. Somebody who knows their stuff better than me should really make a guide for confused new-fans making the leap backwards, because in retrospect I got it wrong. I watched as large a spread of Doctor Who as I could get my hands on, and fate presented me with an insanely high number of regeneration stories. Planet of the Spiders was my first Pertwee. Logopolis was my second Baker. I got to know the Seventh Doctor minutes, nay, seconds before he walks out of the TARDIS and into the TV-movie. At the time, I wasn't particularly upset because I didn't have the background - and once I do, I'll have already gone through it, so I shouldn't be too distressed second time around. I only caught the first series from Dalek, so even Parting of the Ways wasn't that big a deal. I'm anticipating War Games and Survival to be kickers when I get there however...
It's a small consolation that Caves is Everybody's Second Favourite Episode After Genesis of the Daleks. It's another consolation that even the Davison-haters admit its brilliant. It'd help if everyone was less negative about Colin Baker though...
7. I will never again read a novel about a Doctor I haven't seen first.
Human Nature was the first pdf I plucked off the BBC website. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, just like its episode. I fell in love with Benny, like everyone else in the known universe (even if it took me a few chapters to establish she was female).
It's gorgeously written, an excellent novel in its own right. Afterwards, seeing the Seventh Doctor on screen (yes, in Dimensions in Time, but it's really the same thing) was a horrible shock. His voice was plain wrong; in my mind, it was something mossy, like Ian Holm's. I'll get over this in time, I suppose, but it's a rule I'm sticking to. I recently gave up on The Eight Doctors halfway through, because I had really enjoyed appearances by the Fifth and Third Doctors, and missed the point of the rest.
Consequently, along with Day of the Daleks, Terror of the Autons, Four to Doomsday and (still) Planet of Fire, ANYTHING with Mr McCoy and Ace is on my list of must-buys. Chiefly so I can read Love and War; it's set in my home town, during the only interesting historical event which has ever affected us... I've been dying to read it, but can't in the name of goodness. Half the joy of both The Dying Days and Sands of Time was enjoying how well its respective Doctors had been captured on the page.
8. I love 6's coat and I'm proud.
Still ain't seen an episode of his, but I think its fantastic. Wait,
tell a lie - he's in Dimensions in Time.
Telling Ace her new jacket clashes.